My Sweet Baby Girl,
Since we decided to induce with you, we knew exactly the day you were coming. We spent the night before playing with your sister and preparing to become parents all over again. 5am we headed to the hospital. I changed into a gown, got an IV, and just chilled with your daddy. He didn't want Gaga and Grandma there too early, but we made sure they were on call.
Around 6:30am they started the pitocin. The contractions started pretty quickly after that. Nothing too major, but they were definitely there. We called your Gaga shortly after they started the pitocin and she headed our way. She knew it wouldn't be long before you got there, since my labor with your sister was so quick. My water broke around 8am when I went to the bathroom and then the contractions got a bit more serious. After going though a number of contractions and talking with your daddy and Gaga, I decided to get an epidural. I didn't really want to be in pain and I had nothing to prove since I had a natural pregnancy with your sister. It took them about 30 minutes to get it done, but when it had finally kicked in, it was wonderful and I felt hardly anything. I do wish they would have checked me prior to getting it done though because shortly after getting it, I was complete and you were ready to come out. If I had known how close I was, I would have just stuck it out.
Once they knew I was ready, the nurse called the doc and the doc wanted her to have me do a test push to see how close you were to coming out. I barely pushed and she told me to stop, you were way too close. The doc came shortly after, it took a push and a half and you were out. You just popped right out and I didn't tear. Your Gaga and Grandma got to be there to see it all. You were born at 10:08am.
You came out rather purple and I think the doc got a little scared. We were supposed to do delayed cord clamping and skin to skin, but he pushed it so he could get you over to the nurses station. In the end you were ok and I got to snuggle with your sweet little body. You were so beautiful and looked so much like your sister.
We were transferred to a normal room shortly after and I spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling you. It wasn't until later that day that things started to take a turn. I noticed that you weren't eating at all and all you were doing was sleeping. I couldn't wake you to eat and your breathing was labored. Because I had Group B Strep, the nurses were taking extra steps to make sure you were taken care of properly. By the end of the day, they decided they needed to take you to the NICU to get you fluids and antibiotics. It was a "better safe than sorry" situation. I cried seeing you in there, your daddy cried and called Auntie Neyney to vent. It was very hard watching them try to stick you with needles over and over again...you didn't cry, you didn't move...it was terrible. We spent the next 24 hours taking shifts to be with you. Because you wouldn't wake to eat, they made me pump what I had so they could feed you with a syringe, you ended up just spitting that back up.
By Saturday afternoon you were showing enough improvement to come back to the room with us. They still had you on antibiotics and were keeping close watch on you, but at least you were feeding. We had all our visitors that day and you got to meet your big sister. Honestly, she didn't care much about you, she just wanted Mommy to hold her.
By the end of the day we were ready to go home, but still had more medicine to get. So, we just did our best to sleep and snuggle.
Sunday was the day to go home. The tests showed that you were all clear on your blood work and so by noon that day, they released us. It was so good to go home and have a healthy baby.
Part of me will always have to live with the thought that if I didn't get that epidural that you would have never had to go through all that, or if I had just let you come on your own time instead of inducing that you would have never had to go through all that. I hate living with the pain and the guilt, but I'm still glad that no matter how it happened that you are here and healthy.
The one thing that I can tell you is that I fell in love with you so much faster than I did your sister. With her it took quite some time to get used to being a mom, but with you, you needed me from the start. I had to give you every thing I had to make sure you got healthy quick...a piece of me was broken and needed to be fixed. Thank goodness you got better fast, I'm not sure my little mommy heart could have taken much more.
Welcome to the world my sweet little girl. I can't wait to see what the future holds for you.
Love with all my heart,